This Is Me

It’s feels so cliché to be writing this but I felt that it was somewhat necessary. Twenty-eleven did had its fair share of ups and downs.

This was the year that I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic. Needless to say, I am very happy of my achievements. I have mentioned this a couple of times, I graduated with a merit and I am accepted into NTU, what more can I ask for? I am truly happy and I look forward to explore uncharted territories of computing in NTU.

This was also the year that I was enlisted into National Service. It wasn’t easy for me. I received the golden ticket to be enlisted a day before my birthday. I felt beyond devastated to the point that I cried. Yes, I did. Boys have feelings too. It was one of life’s moment that I dreaded so much.

Ever since I was young, everyone kept sharing stories of how cruel and ruthless National Service can be. I was instilled with utmost fear. Just the thought of entering into National Service makes me tremble and wet my pants.

I had a really difficult time adjusting to life in there. I’m the youngest child, I have been literally pampered every single day. I’ve never worked before in my entire life. My first working experience was the internship that Polytechnic courses offers. I can safely say at I’ve never experienced any real hardship.

When we entered, everyone was treated like no one, like a piece of shit I would say. That night, after my first day, I cried. Really hard. Words honestly cannot describe how I felt. It was an entirely different world inside. On my second day, we had a private interview with our Platoon Commander. He asked me, ‘How are you coping along?’

I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and I broke down. At the point, simply said, I do not give a shit that I’m making a fool out of myself that I cried. I just couldn’t hold it anymore.

I told him I miss home and life is tough in here. I fully understand that National Service is mandatory and there is nothing he can do. I also told him that this place makes me feel suicidal, I just want to get out of here. There is no shortcut way of getting out of here other than the cold razor blade.

That was a fact of life and I just had to accept it. And I needed time to accept it.

I am absolutely thankful for my loving parents to drive each week to book in. I’d be at the back seat gazing emptily as city lights flash by. Hot tears would stream down while I keep questioning myself, why do I need to go through all of this? What did I do to deserve this?

It wasn’t a surprise to people that I was at the lowest point of my life, most people can read my emotions like an open book. Numerous people from my company tried to cheer me up. One of them noticed that I was crying in the car as we arrived at the entrance of the camp.

When we’re in camp, the best part of our day was our free time after dinner. It was the only time that I can call my parents. When the lights are out, I’d be on bed in a fetal position and crying silently. The question will be there again, why do I need to go through all of this? I just want to be home.

The tears eventually stopped in my sixth or seventh week. I was somewhat getting used to it and I know what was to be expected but life was still difficult inside. All I can ever think about was the passing out parade. I just want to be a human again.

I was on cloud nine when we passed out as privates. However, my euphoria was short-lived when the training for medical orderly started. It was like recruit life all over again. I’m tired of this crap and I had enough.

After lunch, we were told to fall in, I couldn’t hold it anymore and I broke down. I just wanted to get out of this course and be a clerk. An easy life I would say. At the end of the day, I cried in the crowded train, silently of course while facing the interior of the carriage.

With all those hardship, I did meet several wonderful people. And I have lost quite an amount of weight and I am satisfied with that. National Service made me realize how lucky I am for my parents. My parents would do anything to cheer me up when I’m back home for the weekends. But if I was given a choice to go through all of that again, I’d definitely turn down the offer.

Now, I have passed out from my medical training for about two months and I am posted to a hospital. I am simply looking forward to complete my two years, continue my studies and achieving my dreams and goals.

It’s that time of the year again!

Annoying music booming through the roof, endless wishing of each other a happy new year and the overhype countdown.

It will be absolutely hilarious if scientist can actually find real evidence that 2012 marks the end of the world and when 31st December 2011 arrive, will everyone still wish each other a happy new year?

In any case, I’m still not looking forward to a brand new year even after all these years. Well they say, habits are hard to break. I’d rather relive 2010. It’s not a bad year after all.

Yes I know that I have not been blogging. I’m not even bothered to explain why.

Looking at 2010, I do feel a little unsettled. I don’t think I did managed to accomplished a lot of things in this year. However, there are certain highlights in 2010 that is awesome.

One of it is that I am finally in my third and final year in Temasek Polytechnic, it has been quite a feat all these while. Being in third year, our two main modules were the final year project and the internship.

The final year project was a huge challenge for me to say the least. I have never in my life worked so hard and pushed myself so hard in school. However, I’m still halfhearted about it. If I had a chance to redo my entire final year project, I would definitely take that opportunity. I’ll talk about it some other time. In general, I wish my final year project was more ‘cool’ and futuristic.

Upon completing the final year project, the students were exiled to various company across Singapore and the world. I chose to stay in Singapore for my internship. I am currently being employed in A*STAR or also known as Agency for Science, Technology and Research. It’s been rather interesting. My internship ends somewhere in February.

That’s about it. I’m lazy to write.

PS: I think Ke$ha looks like a slut. What do you think?

It’s been years since we all graduated from high school. Many of us went into a course in polytechnic.

How many of you are actually happy in the course that you’re in? Did you get to choose what you wanted to study?

I’m in Information Technology. It’s about programming. You write codes and make programs on computer work. After I got my O Level results, I didn’t have much choice what I wanted to study. I wanted to apply to Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts but my parents didn’t allow. I wanted to study Aerospace Technology at Singapore Polytechnic but my score wasn’t good enough. I needed to minus of another 3 more points.

My mum told me, the business, information technology and the engineering sector are the strongest. As in the demand for people is always there. I’m sure everyone wants to be employed once they are graduated from school.

I think my future is screwed. I don’t wanna drag  myself out of bed each morning to work as a computer engineer. Truthfully, I don’t even like studying information technology. But I do not have a choice.  This might sound mean but I’m sure the best interest is captured at her heart. My mum only allowed me to choose courses from Business, Information Technology and Engineering while I was applying for polytechnic. It’s because, as I’ve mentioned above, the demand is strong.

At that point of time, I was still 16, I was naive, I knew nothing about Business. I was like, “Well, I’m not going for Business, I don’t wanna sell things. I’m not going for Engineering either. Pure Physics in high school was terrible!” I was then left with information technology. So here I am today. A student in Temasek Polytechnic taking Information Technology.

I took Sociology and a Psychology elective in Temasek Polytechnic. I love it a lot. It really inspired me to be a Psychologist or a Sociologist. But I do like Sociology more than Psychology. I’ve checked with National University of Singapore that any students from any diploma can enter into their Psychology or Sociology course.

I don’t like studying in Information Technology. I do not know what to become in the future. I don’t know what I want to work as. Even though I like Sociology, what jobs are waiting for me when I graduate? I want to be a virologist too but at this point of time, it’s too late. I should have taken Biology in high school.

I do know that I don’t want to work a 9am to 5pm job in front of the computer everyday.

My mum told said that I can study whatever I wanna study after I have completed my diploma in Information Technology. The reason being is that, let’s say I’m studying psychology and I can’t find a job well at least I have a diploma in Information Technology and I can find a job in the IT area. Look at the world today people. Open your eyes bigger, even though I really can’t since I’m Asian. You get measly pay with a diploma. I’m not gonna use that as my backup plan in case the current sector I’m in was hit badly with retrenchment! I wanna go for at least a degree.

I’m 18 now, 2nd year in polytechnic. I’ll be completing my diploma when I’m about 20. 2 years of NS, I’ll be 22. 4 years in University, I’ll be 26. That marks the end of my backup plan.  I wanna work as a psychology that means another 4 years in university to get my psychology degree. I’ll be 30 by then. I’m sure everyone wants to go for a PhD. I think it’s about 7 years. I’ll be 37 when I’m done with my education.

Great world I’m living in.

I’m worried about my future

But yet again, how many of us actually manage achieve your ambitions?

With a blink of an eye, I’ve completed my first half of my second year in Temasek Polytechnic. Another blink and who knows I might be sitting in that barber chair and shaving my beautiful hair off in preparation for NS.

All is left is with our main exams and then it’s my final goodbye to my current classmates.

To be honest, I hate most of the people in my class. Well Hate is strong word. I actually categorized them into various categories. They are mainly, Hate, Dislike, Neutral, Exceptional. Now I don’t want to disclose such information onto a public platform. I don’t want any drama to happen. However, if you do want to know it, feel free to hit me up on MSN.

I’m still in disbelief that time actually flies very fast. Even though I said that like umpteen times.

Basically, today is our last day of school. In the morning, i was feeling lackadaisical and a little sick to the point that i could barf anytime.

I gathered up my determination and willpower to get up and get ready for school.

LIES.

Actually, ever since I started schooling at Temasek Polytechnic, I’ve NEVER and I mean NEVER receive a warning letter before. If I were to skip the french class again, I’ll be getting my first warning letter. The thought of breaking my record of not getting warning letters doesn’t seem to entice me that much.

It turns out only six people turned up for our class. We combined with another french class that only had two students. I’m gonna miss French dearly. It is one of my favorite subjects. It’s one of those class where by you actually enjoy learning it.

Nonetheless, CSAD in the afternoon was rather brief. It’s only then I realized that this is really the last day of school and the last time I’ll be seeing my classmates in my classroom.

IT Block Level 5 Labs got a renovation and they apparently got a room full of iMacs! I reckon it’s eMac, designed for use in educational institution.

Yes, the image quality is rather flattering. It’s the 17″ Screen, White.

It’s pretty old. New iMacs are silver, like mine! But still, MACS WILL CONQUER THE WORLD.

I was literally ventilating and i was standing super close to the door.

Cats are adorable but they are annoying when they start vomiting in your room/bed.

And my file accidentally drop on top of that fucking shit.

The other day i went to Ivan’s house to do some web designing work. So yea i was walking alone to the 89 bus stop and i spotted this!

Fuck yeah! It’s an accident alright! Please ignore the white mist, it’s some fucker’s spirit who died at the accident scene. 

Anyways, i reach school early today. 4:30PM. CMath starts at 5PM.

1 notebook! 2 Screens! As you can see my jGRASP. Half on the each screen!

Computer Architecture Presentation went so bad. Really bad.

My group is the first to present. Shucks. And after we present i kinda slack at the back and didn’t pay attention. Thank god there’s no question and answer session.

I stumbled upon my words a lot of times. Public speaking simply ain’t my cup of tea.

Some people are so bitchy some people are so bad weathered. Some people enjoy seeing other’s misery. Which is totally retarded and sick. People like that should just fucking die.

And i absolutely abhor hooligans. Annoying immature brats. Thinking that they are so superior the fact that they are nothing because they do not bring about any good to the society. Egomaniacs. Fuckers. Banish them someone.

i LOVE wearing business attire. Makes me feel like an adult.

What’s with people copying other people? Where’s your sense of originality.

Urgh don’t make me roll my eyes.

*Roll eyes*

LOOK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Random odd weird moments smacking right on my face.

Better not step on the freakin’ grass!
I warned you! Now you owe me 50 bucks!

Eeeuuu bird poop.

I was watching private practice episode 1 of season 1 in the library during my break
I can’t express anymore how much i freakin’ love that drama! It’s on Starhub Cable TEEVEE Channel 18 Star World.

Anyone watch Private Practice?

The name is FLUFFY!

Did i tell you guys how i love using macintosh? With their latest operating system, Macintosh OS X Leopard, it has time machine and it works seamlessly with my time capsule. In another words time machine will automatically makes backup of my macbook every 1 hour. HOW AWESOME? I don’t have to worry anymore about losing my project. Everything is inside the damn freakin’ time capsule!

Anyways, today during CMSK, kok’s laptop kinda hang while he was doing his presentation and i was like muttering under my breath, this wouldn’t happen if you bought a mac. LOLOL.

I really really want an AMERICAN ACCENT. Period. I kinda rarely use Singlish. And i tried to slang a little when i talk. But i think my english sucks big time!

I was waiting for the Bus No. 5 at the bus stop somewhere around the SAFRA and i saw KarYee and Christina.

I didn’t really like had a chat with them because they went up of the double decker bus while i stayed down because i merely need to hang on for 2 stops. I should have gone up! Both of then are in TP. I saw Sophia the other day at TP’s Business Cafeteria. Amelia is in the child psychologist course. What about XinYi and MayChin?!

Christina reminds me of the times that i spent in the choir. I used to stand in the backrow with Christina, Shishan and Yiling i think. And we would like give our 110%? Really and we would try to sing loudly and christina is like great man! Motivational person! And we would always get drown by the other groups of ‘na na na’.

And KarYee! I remember secondary 2, she was a great artist and she always bring sweets to school! Ohh well time to move on. I get pretty emotional thinking about this but when i think about it again, who still does get emotional like this like me?

I bet everyone has move on and settle down into their new class in junior college, polytechnic or institute of technical education. I bet they’re having so much fun with their new classmates. 

I’m a pretty tensed up person. Every time i’m out of my comfort zone, i get so tensed up and i hate it. And i have no self confidence at all. Ohh wait, what am i suppose to be confident of? Nothing. I did something dumb today and i hate myself for doing it without thinking of the consequences. 

I don’t understand with the way people react. It is just odd and contradicts the observation that i’ve made.

Career seminar today by Temasek Polytechnic. Maybe because that is the nearest poly to our school. We had talks by some of the different schools in Temasek Poly. Applied Science, Business, Engineering, Design and Information Technology. I couldn’t remember all of them.

Hospitality and Tourism is interesting but it is not my cup of tea. Communication and Media Management is also interesting. I want to be a journalist. I see journalist and it like cool huh? But I doubt I can even go into such courses. It require such powerful english and I’m not up to such standard.

Engineering talk was seriously boring I was getting restless and almost dead. Temasek polytechnic does not offer Diploma in Aerospace Technology like Ngee Ann Polytechnic do. Singapore polytechnic offers almost the same course which is called Aeronautical Engineering. I read the description and it is like almost similar. They offer Aviation Management and Services and I don’t know what is that but it sounds cool.

I didn’t manage to attend the NAFA talk. I didn’t have the tickets to enter the talk area.

Chemical Engineering looks interesting. I guess thats about it.

I called my sister endlessly asking her where is she because we’re suppose to meet Ms Yong about the parents meeting session you know those stuff to get our results back. I wasn’t there to witness the event because they were already talking when i was calling them.

My sister know some interesting facts and I was shocked too to hear it but its nonsense.

Aunty, would you like Happy Meal by McDonald’s? It’s okay, you can continue to be upset,  you’ll die faster anyway, that is what discovery channel said. Unhappy people die faster than happy people.

So unreasonable. When Ms Yong said it, my sister’s blood pressure rise. It is the school holiday anyways and not everyone is present today.

I tried the coke mentos rocket. Search it in youtube if you don’t know what I’m talking about. It doesn’t work. How disappointing. Gas was produced the bottle became hard, the cap bulge. Opened it, gas just released. Thats all.

SORRY REBECCA!

look kinda nice. i’m bored okay.