Bobby died yesterday, 28th January 2010. He’s a family cat of ours. I believe he died at the age of 12 years and that’s young. Bobby, what a whacky name. I don’t remember who gave that name.

1 down and 5 more cats to go!

Jokes aside, actually I have nothing much to say other than I do feel rather gloomy.

A series of photos will surely lengthen this post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following pictures were taken on 26th January 2010. It was the day the symptoms shows that he was going soon..

 

Yes, it’s a horrible sight indeed. He was just lying there, his eyes were empty, staring into the space. There was no reaction even though I was waving my hand frantically in front of him. At least his ears was twitching when I made some noises. He was also breathing erratically, it was as if he was short of breath, somewhat exhibiting shallow breathing. And as you can see, his tongue was sticking out. Time to time, he would miss a breath and that really made my heart stop, I kept think that it was time for him to go already.

We sent him to the vet on 26th January 2010. Doctor called yesterday to tell us that he’s gone.

Well.. yeah.

I’m sure he had a lovely 12 years in this house with abundant food. On Tuesday, I padded him and ask for forgiveness for any miserable I have ever caused in his life.

 

Yes that’s me and the cat! God knows how old I was.

In any case, death is inevitable. Everything ends eventually. The question is when?

“Urrmm that chocolate cake literally melts in my mouth.”

“Urmmmmm it’s so good i can’t remember when i let my tongue taste this.”

I wonder, whose chocolate birthday cake is that in the fridge?

Who cares! As long as i can sank my teeth on it.

Well, I’m not that evil. I did ponder around thinking, why did someone buy a cake and there’s no celebration going on in the house. So i thought, it’s my brother’s girlfriend’s birthday? Why did he bring back the cake? Well, I’ll just… taste a little more of that heaven..

Then i’ll say,

NOT ME. I DIDN’T EAT THE CAKE.

If the need arises of course. Evidently, i didn’t eat all of it. There’s still plenty right now as I’m typing.

After a day or two passed by, it still doesn’t make sense to me. Why did he brought back the cake?

Then it hit me like a kid hit your fucking head with a baseball bat.

IT WAS MY BROTHER’S DAY 2 DAYS AGO.

And i chuckled. I couldn’t care less to be honest whilst still pinching a little bit of heaven into my mouth.

I can’t resist the awesomeness that engulfed me.

Way better than sex to be honest.

KIDDING.

Stupid. Can you be less serious?

Well, i still didn’t wish him a happy birthday or happy belated birthday because I’m not close to him. You might think that it’s weird and awkward when you don’t talk to someone who is living under the same roof as you. Not exactly if you don’t see them everyday.

Birthday or no birthday. No big deal in this family. I didn’t get a cake for my birthday and i don’t really care. No one got me a present as well other than my parents which is my Macbook and my brother didn’t get anything as well. It hit me like aeons ago that nobody can afford what i want.

 

AHAHAHA I AM SUCH A SNOB.

 

Okay. Ignored that.

I want stuff like, my own apartment, a car and etcetera. Technically, no one can afford it. To me the most important thing is the thought. Like the cliche, annoying, goosebumps giving saying, the thought that counts. And nothing else matter. That explains why i get a little upset then i expect a wish, when they didn’t, from some people i know=x on my birthday.

Fine, i don’t talk to anyone in this family except for my mother. Yes, i know. Shut up.

As me, the ohh-so-great-wonderful one has always said,

“Education is of upmost importance.”

Yea right.

Honestly, I’m little flabbergasted and annoyed so I’m pissed at every teeny weeny thing that irritates me.

TERM BREAK MY ASS.

YEA YOU HEAR ME. MY ASS.

Why not change it to You-have-to-complete-5-assignments week.

Insane indeed insane.

and CMSK draft was due yesterday i don’t feel the slightest urgency at all.

I’m still mentally tired. Not only from the term test but also i have my own little battle in my head.

2 major conflict in my head going on everyday. It’s probable that i might just snap one day and end up in IMH. It’s not as if it’s uncommon to see me in secluded area and break down suddenly.

 

That’s why i prefer to keep myself busy and pretend i don’t have to face it

 

Shut up you fuckface. Don’t judge me. You don’t know me. I remember telling myself that I’d change but no it’s been nearly a year? And it’s still the same.

Slap me when you get the chance.

And i should stop using profanity words. It’s not really nice. I don’t think it suits me as well. It’s so hooligan like and i hate it if someone ever ever ever associate me with being a hooligan and it’s plausible upon seeing the color of my hair.

Yea i know. Laugh your ass now bitches.

Me and the word hooligan doesn’t go along well in a sentence.

I was waiting for the Bus No. 5 at the bus stop somewhere around the SAFRA and i saw KarYee and Christina.

I didn’t really like had a chat with them because they went up of the double decker bus while i stayed down because i merely need to hang on for 2 stops. I should have gone up! Both of then are in TP. I saw Sophia the other day at TP’s Business Cafeteria. Amelia is in the child psychologist course. What about XinYi and MayChin?!

Christina reminds me of the times that i spent in the choir. I used to stand in the backrow with Christina, Shishan and Yiling i think. And we would like give our 110%? Really and we would try to sing loudly and christina is like great man! Motivational person! And we would always get drown by the other groups of ‘na na na’.

And KarYee! I remember secondary 2, she was a great artist and she always bring sweets to school! Ohh well time to move on. I get pretty emotional thinking about this but when i think about it again, who still does get emotional like this like me?

I bet everyone has move on and settle down into their new class in junior college, polytechnic or institute of technical education. I bet they’re having so much fun with their new classmates. 

I’m a pretty tensed up person. Every time i’m out of my comfort zone, i get so tensed up and i hate it. And i have no self confidence at all. Ohh wait, what am i suppose to be confident of? Nothing. I did something dumb today and i hate myself for doing it without thinking of the consequences. 

I don’t understand with the way people react. It is just odd and contradicts the observation that i’ve made.

 

As I woke up, wondering on my bed, why am I always unhappy and pessimistic? Can I forget everything and be happy and optimistic instead? Not thinking about death all the time. However, reality stabbed me back to earth. Warm blood flows down my wrist, it should feel nice.

I went to Pasir Ris MRT Station and waited there. Amelia and Hazel were looking pretty good today. We took the bus number 3 to some place, walked and eventually arrived at  Zhi Ping’s home. I guess his family is pretty well off, they live in a semi-detached home, that explains why he has all the latest gadgets.

Zhi Ping’s mother is fierce. That’s what Rebecca said. We went in did some stuff like.. Mr Lee talking to us and other seniors also talk to us about some things. They played taboo that game quite difficult and cut the cake for the may babies. I wasn’t included but it’s okay, it doesn’t matter. We left after that. We had fishball noodles and I headed back home.

Pretty much thats how i spend my day today.