This Is Me

Change is good.

I think I am ready to move on. To move on and feel better.

I have to admit, I was always one of those kids that are emo. Dressing in black, long hair covering one eye, etc etc. It’s not all for show. There was a reason behind it.

But I think I am ready for change, to be optimistic, to look at life from a different perspective. My blog title had always been “Love, Hardship and Betrayal”. I loved it. I can’t explain my profound admiration for it. It holds such great ‘feeling’ for lack of better words. It’s time to change the blog title as well.

As for the URL, unspokenromance.com, I created this blog back in 2007 when I was 16 years old. The story behind it was that, back then, I used to have a crush on someone. Thus, that’s how the URL came about. I’m so over it. The URL no longer holds any meaning for me.

Is this what it’s like entering in adulthood?

Labels labels labels.

They practically exist everywhere. 

Labeling on people is bad. Why? These labels are not the sum total of who that particular person is, because no label can ever fully define another human being.

An example.

A kid who has been labeled emo. She no longer is able to be like everyone else because the society label her as ‘emo’ therefore she has this restrictions. Perhaps she likes cheerleading but she can’t do it because she’s an emo.

And we have fudging dumb fudge stereotypical people. Personally, i HATE stereotypical people who goes like “Ohh i hate emos”. What the fudge is wrong with their brain. Can’t they think more liberal. 

Labels force us to see things in a certain way. It doesn’t allow us to explore and find our true self. Once you adopt a label, you’ll start to believe it and you’ll only see stuff that you believe it. You will not see things that contradict it.

Someone agree with me.

Typical boring post. Random.

Today marks the end of our WDS project. I did pretty badly because i find mine rather plain and i’ve no idea what to add to spice things up and i want it to look professional not that child-like theme. Now it’s 9 PM i just woke up. i didn’t sleep yesterday the whole night trying to complete my project. As far as i know, a lot of people didn’t sleep.

I met Shiming in the lab. It was nice! I think we talked like damn a lot.

And I’m pretty sad at the moment because of some reason. 

The celebration calls for an ending. The glass window broke. 

It was the only time when your $600 paper weight was used.

Strong summer wind broke the glass window. Another obstacle.

When reality sets in.

A little bit of history is coming back up.

I hate it that what I’ve handle in secondary school is surfacing up in polytechnic.

Please. I don’t want it happen again. It makes me wanna break down.

You wouldn’t understand.

This has nothing to do with accidentally bump into karimah today. I was like so LOL! HER. Felt like throwing my water bottle at her face but.. whatever. And the weird thing was yesterday i was showing her photo to my entire class and i was demonstrating on how to give a digital boob job. And i was making before & after picture plenty of times and if i remember correctly, everyone broke out in laughter.

We all know where is the boundary now right? We’re fated to do so and we can’t change our fate. 

Tell me thomas, how will it bring about any change? It’s something beyond our control.

For pete’s sake, if anyone who knows thomas read this, ignore it. Just going about my mentally unstable crisis moments.

Calling.. 1800-PSYCHO-THERAPIST.

I was waiting for the Bus No. 5 at the bus stop somewhere around the SAFRA and i saw KarYee and Christina.

I didn’t really like had a chat with them because they went up of the double decker bus while i stayed down because i merely need to hang on for 2 stops. I should have gone up! Both of then are in TP. I saw Sophia the other day at TP’s Business Cafeteria. Amelia is in the child psychologist course. What about XinYi and MayChin?!

Christina reminds me of the times that i spent in the choir. I used to stand in the backrow with Christina, Shishan and Yiling i think. And we would like give our 110%? Really and we would try to sing loudly and christina is like great man! Motivational person! And we would always get drown by the other groups of ‘na na na’.

And KarYee! I remember secondary 2, she was a great artist and she always bring sweets to school! Ohh well time to move on. I get pretty emotional thinking about this but when i think about it again, who still does get emotional like this like me?

I bet everyone has move on and settle down into their new class in junior college, polytechnic or institute of technical education. I bet they’re having so much fun with their new classmates. 

I’m a pretty tensed up person. Every time i’m out of my comfort zone, i get so tensed up and i hate it. And i have no self confidence at all. Ohh wait, what am i suppose to be confident of? Nothing. I did something dumb today and i hate myself for doing it without thinking of the consequences. 

I don’t understand with the way people react. It is just odd and contradicts the observation that i’ve made.

“It doesn’t matter if you can afford non living things when you can’t share it with anyone.”

Who is actually materialistic? I used to think that I’m materialistic but not anymore. Even though i desire numerous items, they’re not really what i need. I kind of told someone what I’m experiencing. I doubt anyone can relate to it.

Anyways, heard of “Your eyes tell me the truth.” ?

Why don’t we use coloured contact lens and masked that up! While we’re at that, put up a facade as well!

World of lies.

“Here, a glimpse of what is harsh.”

Have you ever gossip with someone? Or talk bad things about someone?

While you’re gossiping, does it ever come to your mind that this person is capable of doing such things to you too? Why wouldn’t that person criticize about you behind your back? If he or she hates you that is. 

And off course the above wouldn’t bother you if you always gossip with your best friend.

There is a prevention to the above events. We can always just suck up to everyone and pretend to be nice and play your cards well. There might be just some idiots who will turn their cards against you.

Here comes another issue, hypocritical.

I think there is 2 types of hypocrites. Just like 2 types of lies. There is a white lie and the bad lie. Well, the first type of hypocrite in my opinion is that being nice and not being too straightforward and harsh. You know being hypocrite to be nice to someone. Pretty similar to white lie.

On the other hand, there is the nasty hypocrites. Like betraying your friends or breaking the trust.

If you like to gossip and then be a hypocrite and be nice to everyone.

If you don’t like to gossip then be nasty to everyone. 

Is being hypocritical always a bad thing?

Subjective indeed. Words coming out from a 17 year old.

Isn’t it better to be like me? Just shut up and drive listen. No it isn’t. Another issue will arise from that. Am i trying too hard to achieve perfection?

Sometimes, I’m scared to speak up because what if i said the wrong things and insult? In the past, every time when i said something, i usually get a negative reply. From that, I’m scared to speak up. Do i think too much? I wonder if i usually blog like an adult, mature or it sounds like coming out from a 10 year old kid.

Nazri Chuckled.

I really do need a psychotherapist.

***************

Today, Ms Chiang decided to gave us back all the term test marks, grades and our banding.

B for Communication Skills (CMSK)
A for Internet and Information System in Organizations (IISO)
A for Web Design (WDS)
A for Computer Architecture (CARC)
B for Problem Solving and Programming. (PRSP)
C for Computing Maths (CMATHS)
Top 20% out of the entire Diploma.

For PRSP, 1 MORE MARK AND I GOT my 4TH As. DAMN IT. CMaths. get it ? -C-Maths. And i got a C for it. I’m slacking on PRSP and CMATHS alot this few days. I don’t understand JAVA at all.

4th in class. i think.

A day of annoyance, despondent and euphoria.

May I start with annoyance first? It might get dirty here.
I’m so annoyed with Gordon.

You don’t even understand the  situation that I’m currently in. And there you go accusing me of ‘step emo’. It’s not funny.

I was in the MRT and this guy, his body odor was extreme. He sat beside me. I’m extremely unlucky. I wanted to take out the perfume in my bag and spray it into the air.

Direct School Admission(DSA). I want to apply for that. Junior College perhaps?I don’t know which junior college. I still remember a friend of mine asked me to go to Saint Andrews Junior College because the uniform is nice. Apply for choir but I fear they might push me to alto which I don’t want. I wish to stay in soprano. There is direct school admission to polytechnic as well.

Mdm Gill said we should just give DSA a try as there is nothing to lose. We can also reject the offer even if we’re chosen. I think that is what I read in the paper. Mdm Gill was interesting today during our class. They way she teach us moving around kinda hilarious. Overall Mdm Gill is a nice teacher however we drag going to her class as it is Social Studies. Social Studies is the worst subject ever.

Remember this? Looks familiar aye? 26 days has past even since our syf. Looking at this picture still make me feel sad. I still have not gotten over the fact that we got a bronze maybe?