This Is Me

It’s feels so cliché to be writing this but I felt that it was somewhat necessary. Twenty-eleven did had its fair share of ups and downs.

This was the year that I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic. Needless to say, I am very happy of my achievements. I have mentioned this a couple of times, I graduated with a merit and I am accepted into NTU, what more can I ask for? I am truly happy and I look forward to explore uncharted territories of computing in NTU.

This was also the year that I was enlisted into National Service. It wasn’t easy for me. I received the golden ticket to be enlisted a day before my birthday. I felt beyond devastated to the point that I cried. Yes, I did. Boys have feelings too. It was one of life’s moment that I dreaded so much.

Ever since I was young, everyone kept sharing stories of how cruel and ruthless National Service can be. I was instilled with utmost fear. Just the thought of entering into National Service makes me tremble and wet my pants.

I had a really difficult time adjusting to life in there. I’m the youngest child, I have been literally pampered every single day. I’ve never worked before in my entire life. My first working experience was the internship that Polytechnic courses offers. I can safely say at I’ve never experienced any real hardship.

When we entered, everyone was treated like no one, like a piece of shit I would say. That night, after my first day, I cried. Really hard. Words honestly cannot describe how I felt. It was an entirely different world inside. On my second day, we had a private interview with our Platoon Commander. He asked me, ‘How are you coping along?’

I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and I broke down. At the point, simply said, I do not give a shit that I’m making a fool out of myself that I cried. I just couldn’t hold it anymore.

I told him I miss home and life is tough in here. I fully understand that National Service is mandatory and there is nothing he can do. I also told him that this place makes me feel suicidal, I just want to get out of here. There is no shortcut way of getting out of here other than the cold razor blade.

That was a fact of life and I just had to accept it. And I needed time to accept it.

I am absolutely thankful for my loving parents to drive each week to book in. I’d be at the back seat gazing emptily as city lights flash by. Hot tears would stream down while I keep questioning myself, why do I need to go through all of this? What did I do to deserve this?

It wasn’t a surprise to people that I was at the lowest point of my life, most people can read my emotions like an open book. Numerous people from my company tried to cheer me up. One of them noticed that I was crying in the car as we arrived at the entrance of the camp.

When we’re in camp, the best part of our day was our free time after dinner. It was the only time that I can call my parents. When the lights are out, I’d be on bed in a fetal position and crying silently. The question will be there again, why do I need to go through all of this? I just want to be home.

The tears eventually stopped in my sixth or seventh week. I was somewhat getting used to it and I know what was to be expected but life was still difficult inside. All I can ever think about was the passing out parade. I just want to be a human again.

I was on cloud nine when we passed out as privates. However, my euphoria was short-lived when the training for medical orderly started. It was like recruit life all over again. I’m tired of this crap and I had enough.

After lunch, we were told to fall in, I couldn’t hold it anymore and I broke down. I just wanted to get out of this course and be a clerk. An easy life I would say. At the end of the day, I cried in the crowded train, silently of course while facing the interior of the carriage.

With all those hardship, I did meet several wonderful people. And I have lost quite an amount of weight and I am satisfied with that. National Service made me realize how lucky I am for my parents. My parents would do anything to cheer me up when I’m back home for the weekends. But if I was given a choice to go through all of that again, I’d definitely turn down the offer.

Now, I have passed out from my medical training for about two months and I am posted to a hospital. I am simply looking forward to complete my two years, continue my studies and achieving my dreams and goals.

If I were to make a wild guess, I guess that majority of the people wouldn’t wish to be a part of National Service. I truly understand that but I also do perfectly understand why National Service is important for this country.

I didn’t had to wait long to be enlisted into National Service upon graduating. While I was still a student, I honestly worked really hard. Each day, I’d leave the campus at 9PM. I spend up to 12 hours a day in school during my final year. I was honestly pushing myself to graduate with a merit and hoping that I can get a place in a local university. My hard work did paid off. I graduated with a merit and I’m accepted into Nanyang Technological University to complete my Bachelor of Engineering in Computer Science with Business Minor. Of course I was beyond ecstatic.

I was on a roll, I was ready to conquer the next challenge in my education life. I was hungry for more knowledge. My hands were itching to code more applications. As crazy as it sounds, I was actually very excited to start university life. To this day, I am still very interested to start university and be a student again.

But no, I had to be enlisted into National Service. Currently right now, I’m a hospital medic. I went through 5 weeks of cramming my tiny brain with medical terms and procedures. Honestly, at one point of time I was thinking to myself, what the hell is this all about? I graduated with a Diploma in Information Technology WITH a Merit and now I’m studying all this medical terms. Seriously, what the hell? It was totally irrelevant to my area of specialization.

Right now, I feel that what I’ve been learning for three years in polytechnic is slowly slipping away. I’d imagine that by the time I start university, I’ll probably forget all the basics of computing. Looks like my efforts are in vain.

My point is that, I wish MINDEF would properly utilize “us” and post us to proper vocation based on what we are good in. Wouldn’t that be better?

Well, all I can do right now is just wish harder and suck my thumb. Life is never fair to begin with.

I’m actually typing this entry whilst Mr David, my Mobile Device Programming teacher, is talking.

Recently, I acquire a certain product that promised whiter teeth. As usual, I was quite skeptical about it.

But lord behold, after six hours of using it, my teeth is definitely whiter!

As the days go by, I’ve been using it and my teeth has been so white to the extent that the whiteness looks fake. Nonetheless, I LOVE IT.

I’m in love with the whiteness and of course utterly happy.

It’s been years since we all graduated from high school. Many of us went into a course in polytechnic.

How many of you are actually happy in the course that you’re in? Did you get to choose what you wanted to study?

I’m in Information Technology. It’s about programming. You write codes and make programs on computer work. After I got my O Level results, I didn’t have much choice what I wanted to study. I wanted to apply to Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts but my parents didn’t allow. I wanted to study Aerospace Technology at Singapore Polytechnic but my score wasn’t good enough. I needed to minus of another 3 more points.

My mum told me, the business, information technology and the engineering sector are the strongest. As in the demand for people is always there. I’m sure everyone wants to be employed once they are graduated from school.

I think my future is screwed. I don’t wanna drag  myself out of bed each morning to work as a computer engineer. Truthfully, I don’t even like studying information technology. But I do not have a choice.  This might sound mean but I’m sure the best interest is captured at her heart. My mum only allowed me to choose courses from Business, Information Technology and Engineering while I was applying for polytechnic. It’s because, as I’ve mentioned above, the demand is strong.

At that point of time, I was still 16, I was naive, I knew nothing about Business. I was like, “Well, I’m not going for Business, I don’t wanna sell things. I’m not going for Engineering either. Pure Physics in high school was terrible!” I was then left with information technology. So here I am today. A student in Temasek Polytechnic taking Information Technology.

I took Sociology and a Psychology elective in Temasek Polytechnic. I love it a lot. It really inspired me to be a Psychologist or a Sociologist. But I do like Sociology more than Psychology. I’ve checked with National University of Singapore that any students from any diploma can enter into their Psychology or Sociology course.

I don’t like studying in Information Technology. I do not know what to become in the future. I don’t know what I want to work as. Even though I like Sociology, what jobs are waiting for me when I graduate? I want to be a virologist too but at this point of time, it’s too late. I should have taken Biology in high school.

I do know that I don’t want to work a 9am to 5pm job in front of the computer everyday.

My mum told said that I can study whatever I wanna study after I have completed my diploma in Information Technology. The reason being is that, let’s say I’m studying psychology and I can’t find a job well at least I have a diploma in Information Technology and I can find a job in the IT area. Look at the world today people. Open your eyes bigger, even though I really can’t since I’m Asian. You get measly pay with a diploma. I’m not gonna use that as my backup plan in case the current sector I’m in was hit badly with retrenchment! I wanna go for at least a degree.

I’m 18 now, 2nd year in polytechnic. I’ll be completing my diploma when I’m about 20. 2 years of NS, I’ll be 22. 4 years in University, I’ll be 26. That marks the end of my backup plan.  I wanna work as a psychology that means another 4 years in university to get my psychology degree. I’ll be 30 by then. I’m sure everyone wants to go for a PhD. I think it’s about 7 years. I’ll be 37 when I’m done with my education.

Great world I’m living in.

I’m worried about my future

But yet again, how many of us actually manage achieve your ambitions?